I think I'm going to die as a young activist

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/17/us/17visa.html?_r=1&src=twt&twt=nytimes

John is evil. Some news stories are more convincing than others, especially by the simple judgement of the signs around oneself. When one sees a person is miserable and in the power that this one person has over the miserable person's life, they make the choice to make the person more miserable is pure evil. I hate how I stuttered my words on twitter when talking about the Guinea and Zimbabwe article. Its not something that I 100% believe. To interpret, they are putting the red on Sid's hands. Is Sid entirely responsible for everything? Is it really ALL his fault that his corruption causes my repression and to be experimented with? Why did he choose me of all people to hate on to that high of a degree? Is the reason people let him get away with it a result of his blackmail or payoff to others? I wonder the accurate timing when he started the using and repressing.
Jon must have an unfathomable hate for me to suggest an option of pimpage that would cause more misery than be of any help to me. How and why does he hate me? Does he never take into account the persons environment and variables to understand them? How could he see me as being wrong or the one to hate on here? Its not that he doesn't understand. I've seen his competency and how he has been understanding at times. I definitely feel tricked into thinking that he supported me in any shape or form. Like I said, it hurts, but I can still stand independently. I want to know what I did that created Jon's degree of hatred.
I feel endangered right now and that it is literally a fight to the death with me. I'm not afraid anymore, but I'm sad. I don't know everything, but have figured things out a little. Nobody has given a good enough reason for me to back down. I still have my confidence. The only thing I know to do is move out of town but I don't know if it will solve anything. Would the same exact problem follow me, or would things be any different? Would there still be a matrix? Would I still have to be around the same matrix people? Would I still feel socially raped and repressed? Will I ever figure out a way to get out of this town? I can't keep living life the way it is going. There are a few people I know I would love to beat the shit out of, but I know there has to be more people that I don't know about that I would want to beat the shit out of them too.

I never dreamed my life would be this way. That I am not going to have the American dream of a decent home, happily married, have a family, have a good career, or be satisfied enough to be a happily stay at home mom. To also have friends and fun, regular hobbies.

I'm starting to believe more that I'll never have that and will die young as an activist.